Healing From a Psychotic Nervous Breakdown: Bipolar Depressive Manic

     On May 20, 2021, my mind collapsed. I had my psychotic nervous breakdown. I woke up that morning and heard voices in my head telling me to clean the house. I started cleaning the closet where we kept all the toiletries in. That is when things went south. As I started cleaning, I began to throw things away. I started to throw away little things such as hair brushes to bigger things like my mom’s plants and vases and ingredients for my Business that I founded with my friend Divine, ForeSee Miracles. I even tried to throw away the TV, I left a huge dent on the wall trying to remove the cords attached to the TV. I was at my breaking point. My mother woke up amid my initial breakdown and was baffled at what I had done to the apartment. Almost everything was gone. 

    I had no words for her, the voices in my head wouldn’t stop. My mother wanted me to explain to her what had happened. I couldn’t put my nervous breakdown into words since I didn’t understand what I was facing. My mother freaked out and told me to go back outside, where I had thrown most of our things away and get everything I had thrown away back but it was too late. I picked up what I found and went back into the apt. My mother tried talking to me again but nothing was coming out of me that made sense, I was in the midst of a psychotic nervous breakdown. So, my mother called her friend and told her I was going crazy and she needed help because she didn’t know what to do with me. From my perspective, everything had fallen apart. I lost all my savings and money, my best friend, the men I was seeing and it just felt like I had no control over my life. Everything was plummeting including my grades which I wasn’t even aware of because I was so focused on my relationships to the point where I was hallucinating and experiencing life from another perspective. I was not only suffering from depression and anxiety but I was also suffering from a dissociative identity disorder.

    My mom and her friend took me to NYU’s Langone Medical Center - Department of Psychiatry, where I told them about most of my childhood and some adulthood life stressors and traumas and was diagnosed with Bipolar Depressive Manic. I have had bad experiences and have done some things I am not proud of that I was holding in and never told anyone, which also played a role in my psychotic nervous breakdown. I spent two weeks in the psychiatric hospital and was still going through a nervous breakdown. When I got out of the hospital I believed I had healed, little did I know it was just the beginning. I went home and started throwing more things away. I even threw away my prescriptions and told my psychiatrist that God wasn't going to bless her or my therapist because they weren't getting me the help that I needed in my opinion at the time.  

    I am suffering from many mental illnesses. Verbal, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, neglect, the death of a parent, or other traumatic events in adolescence can all raise the chance of developing bipolar illness later in life. All of these circumstances were the cause of my mental illnesses.

     During the first two weeks I spent at home, I had many anxieties and panic attacks, restless nights, and a mind full of negative thoughts. It just wouldn’t stop, I was at a crossroads and didn't know what was wrong with me or what I had to do to stop this experience. I cried many nights and there was a voice in my head telling me to repent and speak my truth. To confess all my truths to almost everyone. So that is what I did. I told my story to my friends and mom piece by piece, bit by bit, and one day it just all came out, I told them almost everything. I told them about my childhood traumas and experiences as well as my adult actions and mistakes. I felt a huge relief, my anxiety slowly starting fading with the help of the truth, my truth. Perservere is a brand that came to me through prayer in the hospital during the times I was reading a book about soothing my anxiety. God saved me from self-destruction, I want the world to know this because I wouldn’t be here today. I spend a lot of my time drinking homemade teas and eating natural herbs and plants to help alleviate my depression and anxiety, while I didn't have my meds. Which has helped me a lot on my journey of healing as well as seeking serious therapy and a psychiatrist to balance my brain chemical imbalances I've been suffering with for the past 16 years at least. Many people in the world face nervous breakdowns or experience anxiety and depression symptoms in their day-to-day lives and I would like to be able to help you  with my story. Thank you. I will be posting more about my experiences and my life journey, please stay tune. I will drop 3 blogs each Sabbath day, AKA every Saturday at 3pm every single week. Also I just want to say this is not even a quarter of my life story, there is more to come and be unveiled... just please be patient with me and I will tell it all, idc how ugly it may sound its da truth, you either accept me or you don't. Allah has saved me and I am here, alive and well to tell it to help everyone $ anyone who needs to hear this. please just be patient with me. I hope you are having a wonderful day or night. Toodles ❣️🌈🧡