Anonymous; Thee AngeLIC AntiDOTe; Ange Kelly

  I'm choosing well I'm choosing Jesus Christ I'm choosing my family I'm choosing myself Life had to come down on me  In order for me to rebuild I'm choosing well  I'm choosing Jesus Christ  I'm choosing my family  I'm choosing myself Life had to come down on me  In order for me to rebuild I went to church three times in one week Had to tell Jesus Christ all my sorrows Life had to come down on me  In order for me to rebuild

  Look at the life that I lived Was on the road of vanity True Love, Respect, Devotion Foreign concepts to my soul Words spoken to be true Someone once told me when you say it, it becomes real  Words spoken to be true Look at the life that I lived Was on the road of chasing souls Self-Perseverance, Dignity, Realization  Foreign concepts to my soul  Words spoken to be true Someone once told me when you say it, it becomes real  Words spoken to be true

 I was willing to carry on with my life without ever acknowledging my pain and discomfort. I reasoned that the wisest course of action would be to keep them all inside. I dreaded the idea of telling anyone about anything bad that had ever happened to me or anything I'd done that was bothering me. I kept a lot of stuff to myself and kept replaying scenarios in my head. Another issue I had was that I constantly wanted to know why things happened or wanted an excessive amount of assurance. The fact is, we never know why, how, when, or where things happen in life. Sometimes all we can do is let things unfold naturally and hope for the best. I've learned to take each day as it comes and to leave the uncertainty alone. Please don't let your anxiety get the best of you. What will happen will happen, and you will deal with it when you arrive at that point in your life. It took a nervous breakdown for me to realize the value of telling the truth and being honest with the people who ...

  I've lied to others and closely guarded secrets about our relationship, my personal life, and how I handled things. I've misled myself and the majority of the men I've been with about how things truly were. I never wanted to be perceived as the bad guy, but I also understood that my lies were never true. I knew it would eventually catch up to me, and it did.Growing up, I told a lot of lies. I've always felt compelled to hide my true self. I was terrified of being judged, so I spent my adolescent years lying. My biggest flaw was lying. However, I had no idea.So, no, I'm not perfect; I've accepted that fact. I now recognize the importance of truth, whether it's a small or large truth.It's okay if you're not perfect; what matters is that you learn from your mistakes and grow from them.As long as we are learning and growing, we are prospering.

       I have been toxic in relationships and I'm not afraid to admit it. I have said some rude and nasty things to people about themselves and about others when I was upset. I use to have no filter. When I was upset I was a volcano erupting. No sense of decency or kindness. I was straight up mean and evil. I take complete ownership of that. It was disheartening. I am on a better path now.       Being upset doesn't mean to put your frustration on others and become a horrible person. It's best to learn to control your anger because anger is your worst enemy. I would walk around telling myself that I would never forgive certain things and certain people when the entire time I was hurting myself. Holding on to anger towards a person or a situation doesn't harm them. It harms you! We as a people need to learn to let things go. As I said before, harbouring anything that is of no good to you or others does no one justice. At the end, you won't benefit a...

       Something that 2021 taught me is that I have no control over anyone except myself. People can say anything & do anything they desire. Whether it's authentic or not is none of my concern. As long as I am comfortable in my truth and being honest with other people that's all that truly matters. This is a huge life lesson that had to knock me out before I understood it. I spent so much of my life trying to figure out if others were being loyal and truthful to me but the truth is I wasn't any of those things for myself, so how did I expect other people to be true to me? I don't know but that's where we were. Today I can stand tall and proud and say I am as honest as I can be with myself, my family, and my friends. There are still some things I feel are no one's business so I'm not going to put myself out there too much, but I believe in telling the truth to let go of things. The more you harbour the truth within the more damage you do to yourself. Bein...

Love found in self  Trust found in self  It all starts from within  Felt like throwing myself away  So I threw everything away  Was on the road to self destruction  Love found in self  Trust found in self  It all starts from within    Needed self reassurance  Was on the road to self destruction It all starts from within  Love found in self  Trust found in self It all starts from within 

I found my peace in Zion Kneel downed and prayed  God knew that my life deserved a chance  This is a love I will never lose or forget Life hasn't been easy for me I found my peace in Zion God knew that my life deserved a chance I knew my life deserved a chance I found my peace in Zion Suicide was on the brain  Didnt even know suicide was being contemplated  God knew that my life deserved a chance I knew my life deserved a chance Suicide was near  Couldn't even tell suicide was  being contemplated  I knew my life deserved a chance I found my peace in Zion

  When I read about my own life experiences, I think to myself, "No way!" I Ange Amagla Atoumou truly went through all of this!? To think that I am only 20 years old makes me feel even worse about all that has happened. I never ever sat down to assess the circumstances at hand while all of this was going on, but now that it's all over, I can't believe what I let happen to me. I was living a life that was both unfulfilling and frightening. Not only am I grateful to God for pulling me out of these situations, but I am also grateful to all of my supportive and close friends who stayed with me and helped me get back on track to a better me and a better life.

 The title was a man’s words to me. He threatened me with a gun. He was ready to hurt me or whoever he thought I was going to hurt him with but, my mind was never there. I would never intentionally hurt anyone. I don't have that kind of heart. I've realized how bad my relationships were. He told me he didn't know what I was capable of when he was the one threatening me with a GUN. He was the one threatening my life. All I wanted was to get my ex-best friend's things back which, he made the mistake to send to this man’s home. I was involved with a man who was ready to end my life. I was having sex with a man who was ready to hurt me at all costs. His name is Rubenz Antoine. 

  You knew all the right things to say to me  All the right things to get me going  All the right things to get my trust Made me feel the need to open up Exhibit all my secrets & fantasies Oh little did I know I was just a game you tried to play You knew all the right things to say to me  All the right things to get me going  All the right things to get my trust You even met my mom, my queen  How could you be so decietful? I opened up my sorrows to you You knew all the right things to say to me  I was just a game you tried to play I opened up my sorrows to you Exhibit all my secrets & fantasies

  His Name is PAUL MCLARIN; A BLACK MAN ; WHO BODY BUILDS AND TRAINS "CLIENTS"       I was off and on with this man for a while. The first phone call conversation we had entailed on him forcing me to tell him about my rape experiences as if he was going to help me heal from these experiences. The conversations got worse everytime, the more we spoke the more he wanted to know about all my traumatic experiences with other men. I didn't think much of it because I began to trust him. He did call himself my boyfriend although I didn't see him as such. I don't believe I ever even liked him because of his possessive and controlling nature towards me, my body, my life and my experiences.        It got to a point where he wanted to introduce me to his friends in the most sexual ways, which I didn't agree to because I wanted no parts in that. I wanted to be loved, I thought maybe if I entertain him enough he would drop this whole idea of including other men...

Dull senses Blurred sight  20/100 vision Betrayal comes from those you expect it the least Keep your enemies close but your friends at peak I used to love them, yea I did  Dull senses Blurred sight  20/100 vision Naive & confused  Never expected this from you Keep your enemies close but your friends at peak Dull senses Blurred sight  20/100 vision

     My mother left me at the age of three with my nanny in Ivory Coast, Africa, due to a civil war that put a financial strain on everyone in the country, so my mother decided to come to America in pursuit of a better life for us. I moved to New York City when I was six years old. My father's examples were not the best. My biological dad was never in my life and my stepdad was a drug addict who wasn't there for the family, all of which contributed to me choosing the wrong partners and seeking love in all the wrong people.      My mother tried her best to make ends meet and provided a wonderful life for me, but I made poor choices. For example, I was “in love” with a boy who didn't even like me in middle school and decided to lose my virginity to him freshman year of high school as a way to prove my love for him...BAD IDEA! It took me until my freshman year of college to recover from this situation. Between the years, he did a lot of cruel and spiteful thi...

 There was a time in my life where I was able to get on stage and dance and sing and have a lot of fun. I was completely confident. There was a time in my life where public speaking in front of crowds of people was like eating a piece of cake. However for the past 8 years, since 2012 I haven't been able to do any of that. I have a hard time even expressing myself in front of a close group of friends. It's remarkable how much things have changed in such a short period in my life.  I'm now taking control of my life by doing the things I like. I enjoy writing and being around my family and friends, as well as cooking and getting out to see the world. I hope my story helps someone out there who is struggling just like I am. It isn't always easy, but everything is going to end up okay.

  My depression is chronic. I didn't find out until this year 2021 once I had my psychotic break. I cry or want to cry on most days and negative thoughts can't seem to leave my head. I struggle everyday on staying super positive about my life, my relationships, and my body image . Although it's not easy I have made a commitment to God and myself that I will keep pushing forward and now since you all are here on this journey with me I am definitely going to tough it out for y'all as well! I hope everyone is staying relaxed and I want y'all to know, each and everybody reading this blog, that “you're doing amazing sweetie!” *insert kris Jenner's Voice*. On that note, I hope you're having a good day and I'll catch you on the next one!

Love is complicated  I've always been on a quest to find love The love I needed to find was all inside of me Love is easy I found the love I was looking for in others inside myself  Love is easy  Sacrificed my well being on the quest to find love Was it worth it, you may ask?  Nah not a bit  Told y'all before had to lose my mind to find my peace of mind 

      On May 20, 2021, my mind collapsed. I had my psychotic nervous breakdown. I woke up that morning and heard voices in my head telling me to clean the house. I started cleaning the closet where we kept all the toiletries in. That is when things went south. As I started cleaning, I began to throw things away. I started to throw away little things such as hair brushes to bigger things like my mom’s plants and vases and ingredients for my Business that I founded with my friend Divine, ForeSee Miracles. I even tried to throw away the TV, I left a huge dent on the wall trying to remove the cords attached to the TV. I was at my breaking point. My mother woke up amid my initial breakdown and was baffled at what I had done to the apartment. Almost everything was gone.       I had no words for her, the voices in my head wouldn’t stop. My mother wanted me to explain to her what had happened. I couldn’t put my nervous breakdown into words since I didn’t ...

  I've been a victim of sexual abuse since I was a toddler. Until now, on Friday, June 25, 2021, I've denied all of my sexual abuse. When I was between the ages of 4-6 years old, I was assaulted by a family friend who was a teenager at the time. As a teenager, I told a few close friends the time, but they were untroubled because I wasn't emotional when I told them. During my adolescent years, I was very promiscuous and had no idea why. Instead of facing the truth that I had been wounded not only as a child but also as a teenager, I used sex and the implication of sex to escape from my innermost sentiments and fears. I've had multiple interactions with men who raped me then telling me we had sex and everything was OK. As a result, I claimed everything was fine and stayed quiet and to myself.

You may win some but you won't win them all You may win some but you won't win them all Let go of your losses and be grateful for your blessings We ain't got nothing to lose except ourselves  Lauren hill playing “ you might win some but you really lost one. You just lost one, it's so silly how come?” When it’s all said and done it’s so silly, how come? Lauren hill playing “ now, now how come your talk turn cold. Gain the world for the price of your soul. Trying to grab hold of what you can't control. Now you all floss, what a sight to behold” We sacrifice our souls for silver & Gold Hope we don't treasure gems more than we look up to God For the love of God please treasure yourself  One of the worst things you can do? Not treasure yourself Lauren hill playing “ you might win some but you really lost one. You just lost one, it's so silly how come? “ When it’s all said and done it’s so silly, how come? You may win some but you won't win them all You ma...

  Peace of mind isn't always easy to find I had to lose my mind to start finding mine Peace of mind isn't always easy to find But everyday is a day to reinvent yourself  Peace of mind isn't always easy to find  Without God, I wouldn't have found mine Had to lose my mind to start finding mine Peace of mind isn't always easy to find  But everyday is a another day to reinvent yourself The old me , I don't know  Such a lost soul All the pain that was caused The old me,I don't know  Peace of mind isn't always easy to find  Without God, I wouldn't have found mine Had to lose my mind to start finding mine But everyday is a new day to reinvent yourself Everyday is another day to reinvent yourself   The old me,I don't know  Such a lost soul All the pain that was caused The old me,I don't know  I'm finding my peace of mind  I just want to thank God! When it's all said and done Had to lose my mind to start to find...

  Hello, my name is Ange. I used to have trouble getting myself to eat throughout the day for the past 8 months . I've had this problem for a long time, but it became more severe when I was 19 years old. Since I was ten years old, I've battled depression. I was freed from a two-year toxic relationship and sank into a deep depression. When I was 18, I became involved with a man who didn't like me but felt like I did. My eating disorder was at its lowest point when the breakup was fresh, and I lost a significant amount of weight in a short span of time. I had lost a great deal of hair and was having a hard time getting through my day-to-day life. I tried drinking and smoking marijuana to cope, but it didn't help. I was dealing with a man who wasn't being honest with me, so I went through his social media and put two and two together and questioned him about it on several occasions. He called me pathetic, insecure and controlling....at least those are the three insults...

 In middle school, I developed an eating disorder. I decided that I didn't need to eat because I didn't enjoy the meals. I ate a few nibbles here and there when the food was good, but I didn't eat on most days. Breakfast was not a choice. Lunch was not a choice. As I got older, this became a habit, and by the time I was in high school, I had entirely stopped eating breakfast and lunch, instead opting for a home-cooked dinner. During my undergraduate years, these tendencies only worsened. However, I was blessed my freshman and sophomore year with an amazing friend I was always on the go with who reminded me to always grab something to eat. When Covid-19 struck and we were forced to stay at home, my eating disorder resurfaced and worsened. I would get up at 5 a.m. to go to work and not eat until later in the afternoon, despite the fact that I was starving. I've been battling with an eating disorder for a long time, but I'm getting better every day, and I hope this sho...